Sunday, June 26, 2011

Are Mormons Christians?

At Length


So, recently I've been reading (as it seems I often do) complaints about the "Mormon" religion. Most recently I've run across one complaint that strikes me as particularly irksome. Don't get me wrong, I understand that a lot of people have a lot of hang-ups about my religion. I don't have a problem with that, I understand that there are plenty of confusing, ambiguous, and unexplained matters of LDS theology. But what I want I intend now to write about is not a matter of theology so much as a matter of common sense. Today my topic of choice is the assertion that Mormons are not, in fact, Christians.

As with any quasi-exhaustive explanation of mine, I begin with at least a handful of caveats (with the reserved right to include further caveats as I see fit further into the literature). The first is that, in an attempt to appeal to rationality rather than faith--or as Cicero may have put it, the logos over the pathos-- I will approach this from what I have recently termed a "third-theology" point of view. Which is to say,  I will write it not as a "Mormon" but as a "Mormonologist" as it were. I'll attempt to remove my personal feelings from it as best I can. If you are LDS, don't get offended by this. It doesn't mean I don't believe what I'm talking about, it's just to aide those not of the same persuasion in understanding the argument.

To begin (and, more or less, to end) it is essential that we define a Christian. After we have done that, we can investigate whether or not the LDS fit the mold.

In this case, I'll appeal to a much greater mind than my own for our working definition. C.S Lewis:


Now if once we allow people to start spiritualising and refining, or as they might say "deepening," the sense of the word Christian, it too will speedily become a useless word. In the first place, Christians themselves will never be able to apply it to anyone. It is not for us to say who, in the deepest sense, is or is not close to the spirit of Christ. We do not see into men's hearts. We cannot judge, and indeed are forbidden to judge. It would be wicked arrogance for us to say any man is, or is not, a Christian in this refined sense. And obviously a word that we can never apply is not going to be a very useful word. As for the unbelievers, they will no doubt cheerfully use the word in the refined sense. It will become in their mouth's simply a term of praise. In calling anyone a Christian they will mean that they think him a good man. But that way of using the word will be no enrichment of the language, for we already have the word good. Meanwhile, the word Christian will have been spoiled for any really useful purpose it might have served.



We must therefore stick to the original, obvious meaning. The name Christian was first given at Antioch (Acts 11:26) to "the disciples," to those who accepted the teaching of the apostles. There is no question of its being restricted to those who profited by that teaching as much as they should have. There is no question of its being extended to those who in some refined, spiritual, inward fashion were "far closer to the spirit of Christ" than the less satisfactory of the disciples. The point is not a theological, or moral one. It is only a questions of words so that we can all understand what is being said. When a man who accepts the Christian doctrine lives unworthily of it, it is much clearer to say he is a bad Christian than to say he is not a Christian.   


Mere Christianity: Preface, xiv-xv
I love the point that C.S Lewis makes here. The looser the definition of a word gets, the less useful it becomes. In order for the word "Christian" to mean anything, it's definition must be confined. So then, let us work from the definition presented by C.S Lewis, the first definition of Christian. It meant simply, someone who believes in Christ. We can expound on that someone to mean someone who believes in Christ and accepts him as the Savior of the world.

Suddenly, every other defining factor becomes ancillary, and ultimately moot. Crosses and pews, clergy and psalms, do not a Christian make. If they did, then any Christian denomination should be biting at the bit to claim the definition for themselves. Understanding this (or at least accepting it for the sake of the argument), let's explore this a bit further.

The "Right" Christ

Those who say that Mormons aren't Christians, usually come with one of several prefabricated reasons. The first (which often percolates into hundreds of less consequential reasons) is that somehow or another, Mormons do not worship the "right" Christ.

This usually comes down to a matter of theology. If a pastor believes that Christ intended for man to understand that he need only profess Christ and he will be saved, it is understandable that he would rebuke the LDS for holding to the doctrine, "it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." Christ is no political pundit, he doesn't change his opinions on issues of eternal significance. Obviously he would not want one group of people to believe that they need do no work for their own salvation, and then purposefully lead another group to a different conclusion. It is then reasonable to understand why the aforementioned pastor would accuse the Mormons of following a false Christ. But, taking Mormons out of the mix for a moment, couldn't the same be said for any "Christian" denomination? Denominations differ widely on hundreds of similar matters, from baptism, to sacraments, to obedience and personal responsibility. I doubt Christ's opinions vary as widely. Obviously Christ has one correct opinion on each of these matters. Therefore any of these denominations could accuse any other of similarly worshiping a false Christ, for holding to an alternate interpretation of a doctrine.

Apparently the interpretation here is that the apostles did a lot
of swaying.


The point is not that everyone is wrong, (though it can logically be inferred on many of these controversial matters of doctrine that most everyone is wrong to some degree) the point is that no one has the right to determine who worships the "right" Christ. All worship according to their understanding, and that is all that a reasonable human being can expect.

So let us do away with this "right" and "wrong" Christ business, and assume that, while interpretations vary, as long as we're talking about the Jesus Christ born around 6 B.C. we're all on the same page.

In summation of this point, I think it's fair to assume that while we can't say for certain who adheres to what Christ actually taught, one point of a Christian, will be someone who adheres to their perception of what Christ taught.

Pimp My Christianity


A more recent argument against The LDS being Christians actually places them on the opposite end of the spectrum. Rather than arguing that Mormons aren't Christian because they don't come close enough to Christ, they argue that Mormons have taken it too far. They've modified Christianity so much that what they have can no longer be construed as Christianity.  The comparison goes something like this.

Jews are those who read and adhere to the Torah, (the first six books of the Old Testament). Add a book to that (the New Testament) and you've got Christians. While Christians might be comfortable calling themselves Jews, since they believe everything the Jews believe, Jews probably wouldn't be comfortable calling them that. Just because you say your in the club, doesn't mean its members want you in it. Likewise, Christianity is those who read and adhere to the Bible, add a book to that (The Book of Mormon) and you have Mormons. The cycle repeats, Mormons think they're Christians, but Christians might not be too keen on letting them use the label. Never mind the fact that "Christians" aren't the ones who started the club, the analogy has a few flaws.

While some Christians may believe that the New Testament is to the Old Testament as Mormons believe the Book of Mormon is to the Bible, there seems to be a key difference.

Christians don't believe Judaism "and then some." The Christ's teaching was not "all of that stuff is good, now add this to it and you're golden." Christ's teaching was, "that was a good prep class, but forgot that kids' stuff, here's real religion right here." He altered their system of worship considerably. It could be argued that Joseph Smith did the same thing, but herein lies the difference:

Jews turned Christian were saying "Ok, I'm going to stop doing what Moses told me to do and start doing what Jesus is telling me to do."

Christians turned Mormon aren't going through the same thought process. They aren't saying "Alright, I'm going to stop doing what Christ told me to do, and start doing what Joseph Smith tells me to do." At least not by their understanding. As Mormons see it, they are still just following Christ, just more so than other Christians. They believe that every revelation, every doctrine, is coming from Christ, to the prophet.

Mormons are doing the same thing every other Christian is doing, they just have more material to work with. The best analogy I've ever heard for this is that Christianity is to Mormonism as Star Wars is to Star Wars: Expanded Universe. Everything that Christ actually taught (again, according to the LDS perception) that Christians believe, is contained within Mormonism, Mormonism is just Christianity and then some.

The Long and Short (but mostly long) Of it

Putting aside concepts of varying degrees of Christianity, we're left we a few plain and simple truths:

Christians worship Christ, that's it. That's what it takes to be a Christian. There are great people who aren't Christians, and terrible people who are. It's not about how well you do what he told you to do ( or suggested you do, depending on your perception), it's just a question of whether you believe he was who he said he was. If you do, you're Christian by the very definition of the word.

Nobody has the right to apply, modify, or revoke the Christian label. The people who first started calling themselves Christians are dead now, they have been for quite some time. No one has any more right than anyone else to decide what actions and interpretations are and are not decidedly Christian. 

Most importantly, (and I say this mainly for the few anti-Mormons who might be reading this) the LDS faith, by any "Christian" standard that I'm aware of (besides Catholicism and Jehovah's Witness) fulfills the requirements to make it to heaven. While you may not agree with our doctrines, that doesn't make them wicked or pernicious, it just makes them different.

Mormons; stuck up? Sometimes. Different? Usually. But Christian? Most definitely.

Post Script

In writing the bit about the LDS faith not violating any mainstream code of ethics I imagined a slew of responses. I imagine people who've been offended by members of the church because of their sexual orientation, or life choices. So I've appended this post script to preemptively try to respond to some of those. There or intolerant, bigoted, idiotic members of our church, I use to be one of them (to a certain extent). To whatever extent I can, I apologize for them. But I want to make it clear that these people, while professing to be LDS, clearly do not understand one of the most important lessons that Christ came here to teach. It has never been in the teachings of the LDS church to insult, demoralize, or condemn. No one has that right. I wanted to set the record straight here, it is the duty of every Latter Day Saint to testify of the doctrine we believe to be true, and encourage others to learn of the same for themselves. Nothing more. It is people like that who convince me that, regardless of religion, when it comes down to it. Being "Christian" is a 100% personal matter.









Thursday, April 28, 2011

You know what really ticks me off? Everything.

As those who know me well (read: at all) know, things grate on me easily. Especially people. I don't really have a high tolerance for stupidity (or arrogance, or ignorance, or feigned ignorance, or bad hair styles, or slow talkers, or close talkers, or people who act like everything is an inside joke, or people who constantly quote movies that no one else likes, or those guys who...ok you get the idea.)


In fact, that's one of the main reasons I named my blog "Semper in Excreta" which means, always in excrement. I didn't make up the phrase, but I can relate to the sentiment.


One of the many beaches that make Californians better than you.
Anyway, my most recent point of aggravation is Californians. Not all of them mind you, only the ones who think that they are somehow entitled to a higher degree of awesome just because they come from the state. Let me first say that I have meet socially awkward Californian home schooled shut-ins who rival even the most sheltered Sandy, UT Mormons. Your state does not make you special. Just because you are from the same place as someone cool, their coolness does not rub off on you.


But I'll be making that point later. What got me on this was a post on the "Overheard at BYU-Idaho" Facebook page saying that everyone needs to write to In-N-Out and tell them to build an In-N-Out in Rexburg. Well anyone who knows a lick about franchising knows it's not as easy as this folks seem to think it is, but that's beside the point.


My point is that there were mixed reactions to a Rexburg In-N-Out. There were some who love in and out and would want one here, their opinions are valid. There are those who think it's over-hyped and disgusting, also valid opinions. But then there were the Californians. Here are some of their comments:




Rachel: "Hmmm. There's no way Rexburg even deserves on In-N-Out."                                      


Scottie: I want that place to stay local."                
                  
Nathan:"in n outs should not be where you cannot keep two palm trees criss     cross"           


So, I decided it was time for me to put in my two cents. I sense some of you already cringing.
This was my first reply:


Perhaps someday I'll be worthy of this culture...
AlexSo, I like In-N-Out and everything, but one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who thinks that they are somehow more entitled to something simply based on geography. Your sports team is the best just because the city they represent is in the same state as you? Ignoring the fact that you have absolutely no connection to anyone on the team. Your state obviously produces the highest quality iteration of it's most popular export, even though neither you, nor anyone you know, is involved in the production process.


Likewise, people assume that just because their parents happened to live in the south west, the are automatically entitled to In-N-Out, as if it somehow belonged to them exclusively. Unless you personally hold a significant portion of shares in the In-N-Out corporation I'd prefer nobody talk to me about who is and is not "deserving" of an In-N-Out.


*I've hiked the skirt of The Himalayas, I've spent significant amounts of time in more than two thirds of the lower 48, and been to more European countries than that. I'm well traveled, and well cultured. But because I happen to live Rexburg right now, you have the audacity to tell you I am or am not worthy of a certain fast food chain just because you grew up with one a few blocks down the street?
 *It should be noted that several of the statements in the preceding paragraph are false, but were included only to prove a point.
So yes, by all means Scottie let's keep it "local." Because I'd hate to think that they'd abandon their roots of 248 locations in 4 states to actually expand their enterprise. I can't think of anything more local than that.


Come on guys, you've turned a 3 star fast food restaurant into a faux-religion and placed yourselves at the head of the decision making council. I don't really care if Rexburg gets an In-N-Out, I'm just sick of some of these never-left-home Californians around campus thinking that they have the monopoly on cool because they were the racial minority in their high school.


Let's all just accept that people really aren't and can't be defined by where they grew up, and that everybody's home state is equally as awesome and crappy as everyone else's. 

I was proud of myself, as only proud people can be. But I figured that wouldn't be the end of it. A few hours later, I got this well punctuated reply.


Johnny: "Alex if you were from California, you would understand but good essay though. You should turn it in to your english teacher now."  
        (Liked by 1 Californian) 


Ok I can tell when a thick skull just isn't going to break. I tried reason, but it failed on these oh so proud parishioners of In-N-Out. The only option seemed clear (the only option that is that allowed me to gratify my pride that is). The only way to fight stupidity, is with a greater degree of stupidity. It was time to troll. So I responded with this:


Alex:  If only you weren't from California Johnny, you would understand In-N-Out. 
What you don't realize is that in a recent study, Wisconsinites actually proved to have the deepest love for In-N-Out, and the most profound understanding of the inner workings of the franchise. I know it's unbelievable, but it's science, and you can't argue with that. Unfortunately both you and I bow to our Wisconsin bretheren when it comes to 'understanding.'"


I doubt this will be the end of it. Like they say, "arguing on the internet is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win you're still....." actually I'm not going to finish that. The point is, where you're from does not make you who you are. Who you are makes you who you are. I don't understand how that is so hard for people to grasp. If you're from California, cool. If you like In-N-Out, all the better. Just be content enough in your own ability to like something that the experience isn't cheapened for you as more people start to like it. If  you don't want a restaurant in Rexburg because the food and service sucks, that's one thing (I'm looking at you Sammy's). If you don't want it there because you've gotten the weird delusion that the restaurant means something more to you than to the people of Rexburg and they are undeserving of it, you're an idiot, go grow a mustache and eat and Sammy's.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

A Little Project I'm Working On

Now sponsored by Philosoraptor
Take a look at this picture of [Philosoraptor]. Do you see how he's saying to himself, "I have not yet but till this very moment truly lived"?

*If my placement of the question mark after the quotation mark bothered you, please read the following paragraph. If it didn't bother you, skip the next paragraph and pretend like I never interrupted you.

Oh, wow, random tangent, please open up a blank folder in your brain and set that last thought aside for a moment. Do you see what I did there? Do you see that closing quotation mark followed by a question mark. That is the only correct way to punctuate the sentence I just composed. The concept in this: The sentence I composed was a question, but the quotation was a statement. Therefore, the question mark, which belongs to the sentence as a whole and not to the quotation, belongs outside the quotations marks. The other rule that must be followed is that each closing quotation mark gets exactly one punctuation, so the quotation doesn't get a period even though it is a statement. Please start doing this everyone.


Alright, back on track. Did you study [Philosoraptor]'s face? Did you grab a hold of that emotion? alright, with that in mind I have a request of all my loyal followers (all six of you).


I'm putting together a list of music that--for lack of a better title--I've called "my list of emotion-inducing music." I'm not talking about any emotion though, I'm talking about music that induces that emotion. That once you finish the song you ask yourself, "wow, why have I refused to embrace the beauty in life until just now?" 


Obviously a list of this type would be fairly subjective, but I think there is a certain degree of objectivity to really touching music. So this is where you come in. In whatever way possible, let me know some of your favorite emotion-inducing songs, and see if they find their way onto the list (obviously it's my list, so no matter how great a song is I reserve the right not to ad it). But who knows, you might turn me on to a new song or artist that has yet to change my life.


I'm hesitant to post the list, because so far it's the culmination of about 15 minutes of brainstorming, and is therefore nowhere near inclusive.


But what the heck, here it is so far. I wanted to avoid it turning into a "look how hip I am" list so I included anything that came to mind no matter how overplayed or well-known it is. If you haven't heard some of them and want to listen, the asterisks (*) indicate the songs that I know for sure have at least one swear word in them, you have been warned:




The List:




Arcade Fire -                 
Bon Iver -                      
Bon Iver -                      
The Bravery -              
Colin Hay  -                   
Coldplay -                     
Death Cab for Cutie -    
Death Cab for Cutie -    
Death Cab for Cutie      
The Decemberists -
The Decemberists -     
Joshua Radin -              
Lucy Schwartz -             
Mumford & Sons -         
Mumford & Sons -          
Noah & the Whale -        
Oasis -
Regina Spektor -            
Snow Patrol -                
The Weepies -              
William Fitzsimmons -   




Since this is so subjective, I'm going to create a secondary list of the songs contributed by others, if you say one that happens to be one of mine that I didn't ad, I'll probably just steal it, otherwise it'll be on the list bellow.

The List (According to others):
I reserve the right to be creative






Billy Ray Cyrus - 
Cursive - 
The Format - 
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole -
Less than Jake -
Leeland
Mewithoutyou -
Panda Bear -    
The Postal Service -   
The Real Tuesday Weld - 
Sigur Ros -  
Styx - 


Again, don't confuse this to be a list of my favorite songs, they're just all the songs that I think invoke a certain emotion.

contributions are not only welcome; they are, as you can clearly see, necessary.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day is Dead to Me.

Yesterday I had a brilliant idea, inspired by a friend's Facebook post. I was reminded that Valentine's day has gone from the third or fourth most fun day in elementary school to a completely useless holiday in college. I realized the sole difference was the Valentine's shoebox. So in an attempt to revive that same spirit I loved so much in elementary school I woke up early this morning to make a Valentine's card shoebox. This is the story.

The Prep
I had an old Airwalk shoebox that I thought would work well, step one was to cover it up, because only the lazy kids who didn't smell very good had undecorated shoeboxes in elementary school. I decided to use an old edition of the scroll for the base decoration.










I then proceeded to cover it with hearts and words I printed out, the most important of which was my name, what good is a Valentine's shoebox without your name on it. Else how will they know to whom they're giving the Valentine?









Class the First

I didn't have high hopes for the first class of the day, I don't really do much talking in that class so I doubted I'd get much attention other than confused glances, and I definitely wasn't expecting any Valentine's.

I was right. 
The most interested conversation I had about the box went something like this?

 Kid: "What's with the box?"
Me: "I'm trying to bring back the valentine's shoebox tradition, it's in case anyone wants to give me Valentines."
Kid: "Oh."

And then the class ended. I managed to snap this pic before I headed out the door.
(you'll note that I added several candy kiss sayings to the box to make it seem more festive. I couldn't find my red marker, so I had to go with black)





Class the Second
Someone was nice enough to take a picture of me and my shame.
Now this class I was a little more excited for. I do a lot of talking in this class, and I actually know people, so I figured I'd get some comments and at least a few hastily scrawled Valentine's added to the bunch. Still no luck, people just were not interested at all. My favorite comment was from a kid with whom I talk a lot in this class, it went like this.

Kid: "Why do you have that box Alex?" (He uses my name as often as possible in conversations, I don't know why)
Me: "Oh you know, just trying to bring back the holiday spirit, whatever happened to the awesomeness of elementary school Valentine's days?"
Kid: "...we're not in elementary school anymore Alex, we grew up."

It quickly became apparent that using such a large box was a bad idea.

That one cut deep.











Class the Third

Third time's the charm right?
 
I was certain this class would be better, it's about three times the size of my second class, more people means more potential Valentine's cards right. Right, technically. I got about an equal number of comments, but one girl had apparently come to school prepared this Valentine's day, she had a binder full of cards ready, and was quick to fill it out and add it to the box.

Otherwise, like the previous class, all the box served to do was make it hard to work on my desk.
In Summation


After a long hard day, I was excited to get home and tally my bounty.
 Here are the results:
All things considered, I was quite proud of the box.

Lid's off! Let's look inside!

Oh, just as I suspected. One card.

Fortunately, it was a scratch and sniff that smelled like chocolate. Which easily counts as two cards.



What did I learn from this? I learned that apparently the real meaning of Valentine's day has been lost to my generation. Everyone is too busy holding hands with and buying gifts for their significant other to take time to think about the real reason we celebrate this holiday. If we can't even take time out of this busy season to stop and fill out small tear off cards for people we hardly know, how can we possibly hope for a day without war or violence, a day when we can all live in peace? We can't, and until people start thinking about what really matters again, we may never see that day.

Some people may claim that it's time for me to start growing up. I would argue the opposite, I think it's time for people to finally admit that they really haven't grown up at all.




**UPDATE** 

The spirit of Valentine's day is not dead! I returned to my room to find that one of my roommates had taken time to remember what the day is really all about, and had acted accordingly. There is hope for the world yet.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Semper giving up on things

When I originally undertook to start this blog I thought to myself, "what kind of blogger do I want to be?" The answer was obviously the type that comes across as both intellectual and down to earth. The kind of person that people both liked to listen to (or read in this case) and felt like they could benefit from listening to.
Well I have the down to earth part down pretty well, at least I think. Come to think of it, I don't really know what that term means. Like most English words and phrases I know, I didn't learn it by looking it up, I just learned it by hearing it said by a lot of people in a lot of different scenarios until I narrowed it down to my current understanding of the phrase. Which, based on context, I have to assume "down to Earth" really just means, "thinks a lot like I do." So if you find me "down to Earth" perhaps we should be friends.

Where was I?

Oh yes, "semper giving up." Feeling as if I had the "down to Earth" part down, I thought it was time to move on to the intelligent part. Which was more of a leap for me. People often take me for an intellectual, I consider that to be one of my talents; not being intellectual, just tricking people into thinking I am. What I am is witty, which doesn't require intelligence, it requires fast recall. What an exceptionally witty person does is say exactly what you would say given enough time, they just say it sooner than you do. But quick on your feet doesn't apply to blog posts. Anyone can be witty, given an infinite amount of time. The trick for me was honest to gosh intelligence.
 Luckily for me I was taking a Latin class at the time, which happens to be the universal language of smart people. So I thought--again to myself--"Latin! I'll include as much Latin in my blog as possible, then people can't possibly deny my intelligence!" Well four or five blog posts later, I realize I've more or less used up all the Latin wit I can muster. And so continuing in a long line of things that seemed like a good idea at the time (cue OK Go song) I abandoned my dreams of a half Latin, half English blog examining the the finer things in life. And it became a one man forum for me to shout and mumble and spout all the things that really get my goat (there's another one I never quite understood, "get one's goat" what the heck does that mean?). It's my own little padded room if you will.
So welcome, I think it's too late to change the name, but I'll let it sit, it's kind of grown on me. And I suppose it still fits. As long as you're here, you're semper in excreta.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dē Excretiā

Take a look at the image I've attached to this post. If you don't see anything wrong with it (besides its being pervasive and making it harder for me to watch Season 4 Episode 6 of House) then maybe you should just stop reading now. If however you cringed after a second steely eyed read through, then you can join with me in complaining once again of the plague that is crappy grammar in society, because let's face it, mistakes like this one happen a lot more than they ought to.

So, for the sake of the world I've put together a little list of things people often spell or use wrong. If you make any of these mistakes, don't feel too bad, we all do. We do a lot more talking than writing, so while we know the sounds of the thoughts we want to express, sometimes we don't do so well at the execution. Most of these come to you courtesy of the 2009 AP Style guide. If you don't have one and you look to be doing any amount of professional writing in the future (even if you're not planning on being a journalist) I'd suggest you look into buying one.


  • General spelling errors:
    • I'm not even going to waste my time with all the commonly misspelled words, if you are flat out spelling out words that don't exist, you have a few options. You can stop using internet explorer (unless they've finally incorporated in-browser spell check, I haven't used it since IE6). Or you can learn how to spell (I know no one cares enough to actually cut and copy everything they write into a word processor, so I won't even bother.

  • Accept/Except
    • Accept is a verb "I accepted the polar bears peace offering, but I was reticent, polar bears are known for their subterfuge." 
    • Except is usually a preposition (if you really understand it well, you can use it as a verb too, but don't get too crazy or you'll end up accepting things when you wanted to except them). "I drink any kind of soda, except Shasta, I haven't been able to look at Shasta the same since ... the incident."
*Please also note my use of ellipsis in the second example, that is how ellipsis are used, a space on either end with three sequential full stops.


  • A lot:
    • I can only imagine that the phrase "a lot" came from stuffy Brits who don't like using accompanying genitive nouns with adjectives. They don't say it was a field full of cars, they just say it was a field of cars. Subsequently, if it helps, when you say "a lot" think of a parking lot, or a vacant lot. When you say "a lot of candy corn" what you're actually saying is, "candy corn sufficient to fill a lot." Never say alot, it makes as much sense as "alittle" or "ababy".

  • Definitely:
    • It's spelled like that, so spell it like that. That is all.

  • A note on apostrophes:
    • Apostrophes serve two primary purposes:
      • Showing possession.
      • Representing omitted letters.
    • If you're using an apostrophe, ask yourself, is something owning something? Am I taking a letter or a series of letters out? If the answer is yes, you'll most likely want to use an apostrophe. Exceptions are possessive pronouns, my, your, their, his, hers, its, our.
    • If you write "it's" you're saying "it is". Why do you use an apostrophe? That's right! Because you're taking the "i" out. Likewise, when you write "let's" you're actually saying let us. Therefore you write it with an apostrophe if you're making a suggestion, and without an apostrophe if you're using the third person singular present continuous declention of "to let" "Hey! let's get out of here, old man Wilcox lets his dogs out in 15 minutes."

  • And Finally Then/Than
    • Then represents the flow or progression of time, you use it whenever you're giving a sequence of instructions, or when you want to name the result of an action or state of being. "Go open the cage, then run like heck, the koalas haven't been fed for weeks." or "If you like Jamba Juice, then you'll love Mamba Juice, it's practically the same thing, but ours has twice the snake venom."
*While I'm thinking of it, I'll throw this one out, animals are venomous, not poisonous. If it's poisonous, it means you can ingest it. Cyanide, drain cleaner and the stuff in the back of our fridge that no one is brave enough to take out, are poisonous. Snakes, spiders, scorpions and solendons are venomous. Their venom is poisonous though--food for thought.

    • Than represents a comparison. "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" or " I would sooner have my legs broken than go on a date with you." On a side note, I've only ever had one of those sentences directed at me.
To wrap all this up, I'll list a few phrases that people just can't quite seem to get right, which, again, comes from our tendency to repeat general sound patterns without knowing exactly what it is we're saying.

  • Supposed to: Not suppose to
  • Used to: Not use to (this applies in both cases, "I used to eat glue" and "I'm used to getting the wrong directions to a party."
  • Toward: Not towards
  • Anyway:Not anyways.
  • Couldn't care less: This means that what you've just been told is, in your opinion, as uninteresting as it comes. If you say "I could care less" you're saying that this is at least moderately interesting to you. The phrase becomes completely useless when expressed like this.
  • For all intents and purposes: Please stop saying "for all intensive purposes". This phrase comes from 16th century English law, were it was originally, "to all intents, constructions, and purposes."
And there you have it, at least a few things that'll start cleaning up our grammar and making us look like we are indeed smarter than a fifth grader. If I may be so bold in requesting such; would it be too much to ask that we actually start trying to apply this principle of writing correctly whenever we put hands to keyboard? I know that there are plenty of correspondences that we don't deem worthy of the time and effort, but that's just the thing. The reason correct grammar and spelling seems so tedious to us is because we use it so infrequently. If we think in nothing but correct English, eventually that will be the way that thoughts naturally begin to be expressed on the page. I just hate the thought of our children and grandchildren getting even worse than we currently are. Or worse yet, I hate the thought of the way we communicate through text message and emails becoming the official English. What a terrible thought! Can you imagine 60 years from now a high school textbook showing the correct usage of "u" or "2" in a sentence? Or when it is or is not necessary to capitalize an "i"? I think the buck needs to stop here. I think we need to start writing clear, well formulated, concisely expressed sentences and get ourselves out of what it is we've been writing for the last few years which is, simply put, just a bunch of excretia.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Sic Infinit

In the beginning I said, "let there be a blog entry" and it didn't quite work out.
Little did I know these don't work that way. Not only do you have to make a blog, you have to be the one to populate it with content. Who ever knew the internet would be so hard?

The blog is called Semper in Excretā. Which is an excerpt from the Lord de Ramsey in 1998, more or less it means "always in excrement". Which I feel is a fitting title for any addition to the internet because, regardless of what you think of yourself, it's always important to remember who and what you're surrounded by, and in the internet's case, it's a pretty easy guess.

And speaking of the internet, my latest cause of frustration has been non other than our good ol' Facebook. It has in the last five years completely restructured socialization. Unfortunately these changes aren't (for the most part) for the good. There is an inherent danger in creating a website that allows you to recreate nearly every step of a social life online, and it is this:
Think back to when instant messaging first came around. You were so excited to talk to your friends that you would rush home so that you could sign on and be on all night, ready for whenever the familiar sound bites signaled the arrival of a "friend". Then when the great forerunner, Myspace, first emerged from the primordial ooze of social evolution. You would find yourself avoiding instant messenger, hoping it would give your friends a reason to comment on your page instead in hope of increasing that ever absorbing page view count.

We constantly avoid the most expedient means of communication in order to take advantage of the most tantalizing and distancing ones. Text messaging and instant messaging replace phone calls, "posts" replace instant messaging. Status updates replace posts. The further we distance ourselves from whom it is we are attempting to communicate with, the less we have to think about who it is we are communicating with.

Online evolution is reverse evolution, slowly reverting our spines back to a gelatinous state in which the thought of facing someone with whom we are "great friends" with online in person fills us with reticence.


The worst part about it is Facebook has reached a point where it is just too heavy a grain to bother going against. You could delete your Facebook, you could cancel your unlimited text messaging plan and switch over to actually calling and meeting people face to face. But few others would, leaving you high and dry in the social world.


Facebook is not inherently bad, there are many people who use it as an ancillary to socialization quite well. I'm not one of those, which I suppose makes this whole spiel a sort of reaction-formation defense. I always take the path of least resistance. If it's less confrontational to text than call, I'll text every time. What's that you say? It's gotten even more distant than texting? sign me up. Technology pulls us, particularly me, further and further away from one another while creating the illusion that we've never been closer. -What a load of excretia.